TITLE: Mystery Meat...And a side order of Sloppy Joes
LOGO: “All New! In terrifying Meat Vision!”
EPISODE #: 1
SEASON: 1
AIR DATE: April 3,2004
DIRECTOR: Butch Hartman
WRITERS: Butch Hartman, Mark Banner, Steve Marmel
STORYBOARD: Erik Wiese, Ray Angrum, Butch Hartman
ART DIRECTIONS: Bob Boyle
MUSIC: Guy Moon
APPEARANCE: Pretty much all the standard main and supporting characters: Danny, Sam, Tucker, Jack, Maddie, Jazz, Mr. Lancer, Dash (1st role)
GHOST APPEARANCE: Lunch Lady, Ectopusses (1st Appearance)
FENTON GADGET APPEARANCE: Fenton Thermos, Fenton Portal (appears in like every episode, so I'm not gonna bother repeating these two in latter lists - except if there is no other Fenton objects, I guess, Fenton Jumpsuit (same here), Fenton Finder (1st Appearance), Fenton Smoke Bombs, Fenton Xtractor, Fenton Grappler
LESSON: Everybody's bloody insane. Avoid Amity Park, future tourists.
SUMMARY: "So, Danny, you and your little friends wanna hunt ghosts."
Jack’s proud face beams to enhancing marching music as he utters the first words of Danny Phantom. He dotes on his only son Danny and his two friends, Tucker and Sam, on their recent interest in ghost hunting (ignoring their clarification that their means are more of immediate necessity then lifestyle). Jack unwittingly blathers on about his passion (the first of many) by presenting various Fenton gadget doo-dads at about the same time Danny’s ghost sense lets off. Two Ectopusses (Octopus ghosts or whatever) swoop through and immediately kidnaps Tucker and Sam. Danny quickly runs off-camera and administers punch-punch-kick (Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A) while Jack introduces the Fenton Thermos and the Fenton Portal (neither of which he has figured out yet) during brief intermissions of fighting, severely unaware a battle is going on. How many explosions did this man cause to deafen his hearings to within a five feet radius? He talks some more while Danny sends the Ectopusses back inside the portal. Jack turns to face the three after a good amount of back-turned convenience, unable to comprehend Sam and Tucker’s distressing shakes and Danny’s tiredness. So he blathers some more.
Then the theme song starts. It’s actually atmospheric. The seven or so still shots of multicolored glowing Danny is visually pleasing in itself, but the entire intro makes use of a limited set of colors and a great deal of the sneaky aspects of ghosts to really drive it home. I like it. I don’t care much for the lyrics—too corny—and think the musical score works better without it, but we can’t win ‘em all...except during the credits which is a wordless intro song, but we still can't win 'em all because Nickelodeon advertise during credits. Bah, humbug.
Enough assing around, back to the main plot. The camera scrolls past a normal neighborhood ...until we see the Fenton's household sticking out like a sore thumb; its normal structure overshadowed by the giant Opt Center built on top and an equally attractive neon sign that reads, "Fenton Works." Inside, we get our first look at the Fenton family. Mother Maddie and father Jack works on their latest Fenton gadget over the breakfast table, older sister Jazz shows she’s the one with the brains, busy with psychology textbooks, and nervous little brother Danny eats cereal until his hand unintentionally turns invisible, causing him to panic very much so. Tinkered, but not finished, the Fenton Finder is complete—according to Jack anyways—meant as a tool for ghost-tracking. I’m fully aware this little gizmo was meant to give audience a first time look at the Fenton lifestyle, but considering they have over twenty years of Ecto paranormal researches under their belts, you would think they would have built such a device ages ago. Maybe if they had said, "another Fenton Finder" instead. It doesn’t mean much to Danny because he’s too upset over it, fearful that it’d target him. He’s right. Lucky for him, Jack and Maddie is convinced that their kid isn’t a ghost and considers the tool an unfinished bust.
Danny nervously tries to confess his newly gained powers to his folks, but devoted older sister interrupts and firmly declares he needs guidance, something she feels neither parents are taking advantage of. Maddie calmly defends themselves, "Sweetie, I know what we do doesn’t make sense sometimes...", then Jazz interrupts again and flaunts off her [current] status as an adult trapped in the body of a 16-year-old. *coughdelusionsofgranduercough*. Viewing her brother as a helpless child in need (and secret test subject for future child therapy sessions), she offers him a ride to school. Maddie confusingly states Jazz never gives him a ride, immediately triggering Jack’s assumption that their daughter is the one who’s ghostly. This really IS the first episode: the idea of Jazz refusing to give Danny a ride isn’t her in the least. She’s far more compassionate then that.
The viewers get their first look at frequent location and all-around childhood fear: the high school. Casper High to be exact. Young freshman Danny expresses his desire to tell his parents about his recent abnormality (which he has held for a month now) since he’s 1. Scared shit of them and 2. Has no damn clue what to do with ‘em, but Sam (who for some odd reason doesn’t have a backpack like the others) protests, then dives off-topic and bitches about how her parents, like, totally sucks and whiiiiiiines angst bitch shit. God, it’s only the first episode and already she emos. Get use to it, it’s not going to get better. The little distraction doesn’t stop Danny from nervously phasing down the floor until his friends help him back up. He then laments his parents are too crappy to make a device to fix the mess Gee, Danny, keeping your powers a secret pretty much cancels that train of thought, no? I promise he’ll get less Idiot Ball as the series runs...mostly. After phasing through a soda machine, Danny gets further defense from Sam over his chosen powers, saying it makes him unique. Again diving to a similar, but off-topic subject matter, Sam thrusts her vegetarian state (which Tucker, despite years of friendship, does not know—again, this was meant to cater to first timers on Sam’s character, but they chose poor wordings) which compares to Tucker’s keen meat diet; a habit that enhanced his nose to smell mutilated animal parts with ease (he knew Danny had sloppy joes). An interesting skill, but after this episode, it’s never seen again—though the writers were kind enough to keep his strict-tenderloin diet for the duration of the show. You can see Tucker was in the same importance scale as both Danny and Sam during the early episodes. *sigh* Memories. Sam does one better when she managed to get the school board to change the cafeteria menu to...
...An all Recyclo-Veggie diet. The students are served what Danny systematically states as, "Grass on a bun" while Tucker cries in angst over this radical change. Sam gleefully proclaims that "it’s time for a change". Change indeed. Inside the Fenton Portal, under the not-so-watchful eyes of the Fenton folks, a ghost lunch lady appears, calmly and cheerfully saying someone has changed the lunch menu. Tucker’s talents got nothing on this lady. She flies off to the rendezvous point shortly before Jack and Maddie completes the Fenton Extractor; essentially a vacuum cleaner designed to suck out ghosts. While Maddie is worried that this could hurt Jazz, Jack reassures her that should Jazz reveal herself as—god forbid—an actual human, it’ll be her hair that’d be the only victim. Then hilarious crap happens when that exact thing happens to Jack. Artistic license will magically restore it in his next scene.
Back in school, Danny and Tucker reluctantly attempt to eat their new meal let along look at it. After assistant principal/English/Math/Astronomy/whatever teacher of the day Mr. Lancer congratulates Sam’s forward thinking, Tucker smells meat nearby, causing reliable teach to apprehensively reassure the kids that the rumors of an all-steak buffet in the teacher’s lounge is untrue. Less details, Lancer. He hastily leaves immediately, leaving his young charges and their "garbage", so bad that the school lunch lady walks off in private with a hidden hamburger, eying that thing like Gollum to his One Ring. Fortune does not pay her kindly when Lunch Lady Ghost hovers down, sees a vegetarian recipe book and thoroughly loses it.
Danny’s ghost sense let loose, but before he can do anything about it, ENTER THE DASH, the stereotypical, mandatory jock/bully who smacks the mud on the back of his head. "I ordered three mud pies! You know what they gave me? Three...MUD...PIES...with mud...from the ground!" We get it, don’t state the obvious. Grabbing Danny by his collar (showing one of the rare times the artist drew him with a belt), Dash proceeds to tell him (and the audience) his current status as the superstar of Casper High. Amazing. Most freshmen boys are usually fresh meat (ahaha, I made a funny) to the senior male Neatherdal. He then cries that it’s his "girlfriend’s" fault for bringing this monstrosity to the school cafeteria. Both Danny and Sam quickly deny their romantic intentions (another frequent pencil pusher). Releasing Danny, Dash forces the scrawny lad to eat the literal mud pie. His ghost sense goes off again (why not attach a goddamn bell to it, it's less annoying at this rate), this time witnessing the culprit who keeps provoking it. As distraction, Danny quickly orders a "garbage fight", causing the entire cafeteria to go in an uproar and toss topsoil at one another. Sam takes serious offense at all this until Danny drags her down (he just grabs her tank top—Danny, you perverted little imp), proceeding to follows him and Tucker as they crawl their way inside the school kitchen, Dash all the while threatening him. "Great, I’m still his favorite." Danny remarks.
They spot the Lunch Lady Ghost inside and Tucker promptly relaxes. How much harm can an old lady—ghost or not—cause? "Shouldn’t she be haunting a bingo hall?" Danny asks. Lunch Lady Ghost (now referred to as LLG from this point on) floats up to the three and politely asks who changed the menu. Tucker points to Sam. Suddenly, sweet granny LLG goes postal. She gave the same reaction when someone called out O89 and not B12. She must have been hell during her PMS days. Danny tells the others to get behind him, and then the camera dramatically spins around to show off the very first onscreen transformation from Fenton to Phantom. Very nice.
Danny Phantom’s fancy transformation is just for show; he immediately goes off and does something stupid thing by commanding her to leave. You did better with the Ectopusses, kid and that was your first fight! She retaliates by throwing (through ghostly telekinesis) hundreds of dishes, cups, and utensils. Danny managed to capture them with extremely good ease (not bad, newbie), but LLG quickly counters with fire inducing stove ovens while calmly asking if anyone wants cake (the answer is no). Danny takes a shot in the dark and successfully phases his two buddies through a wall and into the hallway.
Sam takes this time to bitch some more, "This is the thanks I get for thinking like an individual?!" LLG proves harder to remove then your creepy stalker next door neighbor who watches you from across the street when she comes up and short circuits the school lights. To add in the ghoul factor, all nearby locker doors violently open and the entire area is filled to the brim with school supplies. Arguably makes a tensed effect. Among the mess are the various meats from the teacher’s lounge. LLG sticks them to her body and turns into...well, meat-Clayface. ...Meatface? She pits the blame on Sam, but heroic Danny is quick to defend...until he accidentally reverts to his human half. He’s trying, he’s trying. LLG smacks Danny next to a hapless Tucker and kidnaps Sam. The boys don’t get the chance to rescue the Goth-in-Distress, Lancer catches the two red-handed. Err...Danny be human by this point. No secret reveal plot yet.
Danny and Tucker quietly watch Lancer flipping through school files on the two inside his office. He then asks why they started a food fight. Danny sets out to blame Dash until Lancer gives him a Get-Out-of-Jail free card because he’s the football team’s star lead. *eye roll* It’s amazing the shit the High School faculties will pull for a fuckin’ football team. My ol’ alma mater spent their millions on a football field on a team that barely wins instead of fixing the real issue at hand: the leaks. Puddles that reach two inches adorned the lower levels of the school during rainy days. Moving my traumatic childhood aside...Lancer leaves to decide their punishment, telling a nearby Dash to keep an eye on the two (which he does with a sadistic pleasure-inducing grin). With Sam’s life at stake, they eye Lancer’s security screens to find meat trails down in the school storage room (which Tucker picks up on). With Dash looking away, Danny turns ghost and phases Tucker and himself below grounds. Lancer returns with the perfect discipline in mind and find them gone. Oh, now it’s on, bitches.
The first thing Tucker does inside the storage room is hug the platoon of meat packages in exuberant fits. Spotting LLG nearby, the two spy on the mood swinging ghost, now meatless. She passively tries to convince a meat-covered Sam the joys of edible dead animals. Sam continues refusing, causing LLG to go postal again. Danny fights her off while Tucker is left to free Sam, eating her trappings. Wait, aren’t those raw? Iron stomach? Desperation? Danny tries to deliver a kick, but she grabs his leg and cries out on something I think we can all agree on, "This is why you need meat, you’re skin and bones!" He might as well sponsor anorexic programs. What kind of message are you sending, Hartman? After some more action, LLG turns Madam Meat again and basically shits around like she owns the joint. Too powerful for him to deal with, Danny grabs Tucker and Sam and phases them the hell outta there! Safely out of school, Danny collapses into unconscious from power overuse. LLG must’ve been pretty quiet until her next appearance; she didn’t blow up the school or anything.
Time for a scenario change: Fenton Works. Jazz enters its domains to see the lights are off and her parents nowhere in sight. Then out of blue smoke bombs are thrown in her direction, surprising her not long enough when the Fenton Folks try and subdue her. The smoke clears to reveal the two clutching onto her ankles, the bottom of [angry] Jazz’s hair stuck to the Fenton Extractor (her pouty lips are very well drawn). She storms off, vacuum in toll. Sam and Tucker arrive after, carrying Danny to his room, hastily making an excuse to the parents why their son is currently Coma boy. With that breather set in stone, Jack still harbors suspicion on Jazz. Oh, learn a new tune already! Danny wakes up and finds himself in his room. He’s been asleep for four days. Pwahaha, nah, we kid. It’s only been a couple of hours. Sam finds this no laughing matter and berates Tucker for his carelessness (what? How?). This is one of the rare times they say the word "kil"”. Savor it. Worship it. Tucker retaliates and argues her uniqueness is what pissed off the lion. Neither side apologies, but both storm off to secure the cafeteria menu in the way they see fit best. Danny just assumes nothing bad could possibly happen.
Pssh. Famous last words. By the next day, the entire school is divided into two protest groups: Hippies, Goths, and other Left Wing people on Sam’s side and standard civilians on Tucker’s meat-loving side. Danny is just as shocked as I am: how the hell did they manage to stage a protest overnight? For that matter, how the hell did Tucker get this much attention? He can barely get any for a school election! Both side urge Danny to choose between the two, but he gets lucky: LLG is back, vengeance and all. Gee, it’s like she was waiting for Danny and did absolutely nothing to justify her meat diet prior to Danny’s escape and now. Taking all the meat she can find, she becomes an even bigger version of her Meat Monster form. Everyone runs off, Tucker whines ("Meat, why have you forsaken me?!") He recovers in time to help Sam hide Danny in order for him to transform privately, what with its blinding light and Sweet GLAVIN, it stings my EYYYYYYYYYYES!
While this is going on, what does Jazz do? She tries to get some punk kid named Spike to "open up" IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANICKING MOB! What the fuck is wrong with her?! There’s danger and screaming people within ten feet of her! To put even more dysfunctional matters into the everyday lives of the Fentons, Jack captures Jazz with the Fenton Grappler. Enough is enough, an agitated Jazz tells off her parents that she isn’t a ghost, there’s no such things as ghosts, and that the two of them are stupid to even think of creating a lifestyle around ghosts. Forward. If I ever did something like that to my parents, they’d bust my kneecaps. Jack ignores her and tries to use the Fenton Thermos on Jazz, but he sucks at it because the device refuses to suck. Ahaha, I made another funny.
More action stuff, then LLG punches Danny so high he phases through a plane. No, she’s not Chuck Norris, but she’s damn close. He returns and combat resumes, this time with little meat monsters. They’re almost cute. Almost. They grab Danny and hoist him up in the air before dropping him. Unaware of the BIG GIANT BATTLE going on some FIVE FEET AWAY, Jazz urges Jack to apologize. He does it with much dramatic pomp, [literally] turning his back on ghostdom. He hurls the thermos away, caught by the falling Danny, phasing his way below ground. Having actually seen a ghost just now, Jack relaunches his career and taunts Jazz. Father of the Year he is not. Using the thermos, Danny somehow gets it to work for apparently no reason and sucks LLG in.
It’s only THEN that Jack and Maddie uses the Fenton Finder to track LLG. A now human Danny hides the thermos behind his back and points out a false location. "Great, back to square one", utters a bitter Jazz. Struck with an epiphany, violent it may be, Danny tells his friends afterwards that he’s willing to keep his powers a secret, now at a better standstill on what he plans to do with ‘em (superheroing if you’ve been living under a rock during this entire summary). He doesn’t get a chance to finish his boosting speech; Lancer [death] grips him by the shoulder and forces the trio to clean up all the meat and veggies surrounding the school. Dash watches in devilish triumph, but it’s Danny who gets the last laugh when he secretly phases the garbage disposal to dump all the meat they’ve collected so far to capsize him. The bully cries for help, causing Danny to casually close off the episode with a vindictive response, "Whatever you say, Dash, whatever you say".
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Article written revised in: Mar. 8, 2009
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