TITLE: Attack of the Killer Garage Sale: This episode be representin', bitches!
LOGO: "Technology and Terror Collide!"
EPISODE #: 4
SEASON: 1
AIRDATE: April 17, 2004
DIRECTOR: Butch Hartman, Wincat Alcala, Richard Bowman
STORY: Steve Marmel
WRITERS: Sib Ventress
STORYBOARD: Erik Wiese, Ray Angrum, Lane Lueras
ART DIRECTIONS: Bob Boyle
MUSIC: Guy Moon
APPEARANCE: Nate the Pizza Guy, Tracy the Delivery Lady, bunches of other nameless populars (1st appearance), Danny, Tucker and Sam, Dash, Paulina, Lancer, Kwan, Fenton Folks, Jazz, Valerie (cameo)
GHOST APPEARANCE: Nikolai Technus (1st Role)
FENTON GADGET APPEARANCE: Fenton Ghost Weasel, Fenton Junk, Fenton Unlodger, Fenton Microwave Device, Random Fenton rectangular Object
LESSON: Learn better slangs. Seriously.
SUMMARY: A shot of Fenton Works sets the stage for this episode. In the Fenton kitchen, on the Fenton table, Jazz tutors Dash on the most unholiest of all school subjects: Math. Just typing the word sends shivers down my spine—I never want to do fractions again. The ever so doofus Dash bypasses all that, too content at Jazz’s beauty (and possibly boobs—children’s cartoon my ass, he’s a horny fourteen-year-old) to notice the array of confusing number. She’s quickly angered because her thesis that the untutorable can be tutorable is officially shot to hell. Okay, I know Dash is a moron and the writer wanted to show that, but what educated high schooler doesn’t know how to say "untutorable". Unless he’s foreign or has magically hidden speech impediment, Dash passed all the way to the ninth grade—he had to have learned something. Football can only take you so far.
Danny casually leaves the Fenton basement, purple drink in hand. Grape Juice? Plum? Unidentified ghost soda? Why he came from the Fenton Lab with a can of soda is questionable, but his reaction isn’t. He sees Dash and an alarm goes off in his head. He immediately panics and instead of leaping twenty feet in the air like a Looney Tunes character, Danny calmly places his grape ghost plum unidentified soda down on the table. Since it’s only the fourth episode, his emotions accidentally triggers his intangibility, causing his arm to go through the table, and sending Dash’s textbooks flying all over the football star. Dash immediately goes on the defense by threatening the poor boy. Danny deftly backs away into the lab before he could get pummeled and end up as purple as the soda which, by the way, mysteriously vanishes (there’s not even a spill on the floor from the accident). Cooled down, Dash then invites Jazz to his party, emphasizing his status as "King of Casper High". She dully takes the invite (written as "The Dash Bash", ahahaha, clever, ahahaha—no), unimpressed with his performance on her little brother. So older protective sister works her mojo and states the only way she’s coming is if Danny can go, too. Blackmail. Mastered before Danny did, devious. Hmm, is it just me or is her mouth bigger then usual?
Back in the basement, Jack introduces Danny to the Fenton Ghost Weasel. Why is he introducing an invention to someone who was just in the basement thirty seconds ago? That ain’t right. The Ghost Weasel is basically a ghost sucking vacuum with a strap to wear it ala a ladies’ purse (creepily, it works on Jack). Turning it on, the Ghost Weasel goes postal and starts sucking up everything in sight. A nearby Fenton Thermos jams itself into the nozzle, causing Jack to leave the weapon in his son’s hand while he gets the Fenton Unlodger. Good job, Jack. You just left your second child with a potentially dangerous weapon. Danny suggests hitting it in reverse, but Jack had already left before he could hear, so he does it himself. The thermos instantly pops put and in a fit of coincidence, flies and hits the open button of the Ghost Portal. Instead of a gaggle of ghosts popping out, Danny got lucky and only has to deal with one.
ENTER NIKOLAI TECHNU—or is it NICOLAI TECHNUS? Oh, whatever. The techno ghost introduces himself with his Large Ham Gilbert Gottfried-like voice, "Child, you have freed me, Technus, ghost master of science and electronic technology!" Turning ghost, Danny promptly assumes he’s gonna do some taking over the world deal by using the technology inside the Fenton basement. A confused Technus mutters a "What" before deciding it to be a great idea. Way to go, Fenton. Danny and Technus battle, the former charging towards the techno master, only to be electrocuted by his lightning rod...staff...thing. Danny retaliates out with the Fenton Ghost Weasel, sucking Technus in (take a good look; this is only one of two times you ever see Technus without his sunglasses). Unfortunately sucking in an entire ghost with Doc Brown hair doesn’t do wonders for the vacuum (Damn useless conditioners and volumizers). After the Fenton Weasel inhales some more Fenton crap, the gadget explodes and sprays gooey green Ectoplasm all over the damn place. Ewww, Technus germs! Danny hears Jack’s voice as he marches himself down the lab, expecting it to look exactly the way he left it. Danny strategizes the same maneuver he did with Dash, panic and bolt, leaving his father to see the Ectoplasmic nightmare. He puts on a triumphant grin, "Yep, perfect!" I'd try and guess where his son suddenly vanished to. Last I check there’s no emergency exit outside of the Ghost Portal.
One intro song later, the viewers gets their first look at the Nasty Burger, Amity Park’s equipment of McDonald’s—cholesterol-inducing burgers, cheap kids’ meal toys, and domination of the food market society. Inside, Sam suggests a trip to an amusement park, but Tucker’s broke and he refuses the second option: Sam loaning him some creds; he doesn’t want the burden of paying back. He looks to Danny for agreement, but half ghost boy is too busy lovingly gazing at Dash (SUBTEXT!) while he sends out invitation to all the people worth coming over to his bash. That includes Danny’s crush, the "perfectly flawless" Paulina. Typically, Sam grows irritated over this. Speaking of perfectly flawless, we’re given a small scene of Paulina ordering food for humorous purposes. I can understand the annoyed register's feeling of seeing yet another customer ordering essentially the same food, just quoted differently. I've been through that (I swear to God if someone orders a "regular" sized drink instead of saying "Medium", I'mma gonna charge my lazer). An aggravated Tucker cries out why they never get invited, "We’ve got charm, style, good looks, at least I do anyways." Sam answers, saying their visible meter in Casper High is about as transparent as Danny’s invisibility, but it doesn't matter to her, "We have each other". Dash suddenly slaps an invitation on Danny’s face and begrudgingly says he’s doing it for Jazz, which is hilarious because he never bothers to woo her again...ever. Though his friends give a hopeful look that they, too will be part of a packaged deal (yes, including Sam—that hypocrite), Dash firmly declares it’s Danny only. He must really want to get down her pants. He storms off, leaving Danny to take in all this. Shocked at first, his confidence rises when he suddenly gets noticed by the popular kids, including Paulina in all her seductive glory. "I’VE ARRIVED!" Danny shouts at the top if his lungs, ignoring the fact that this was all because of his sister, which by the way he never bothers to thank her for (which in a character development scale between the two actually works well at this stage). Danny quickly leaves his friends behind to soak in all this.
At Casper High, Danny’s friends express worries that he’s getting too into the popular scene. Danny denies such a claim—shouts happily towards Kwan—then denies some more. Dash calls for Fenton (complete with attitude, of course) and happy boy runs over to him with glee, ignoring Sam and Tucker. There he is given a magazine mandating the clothes he’s suppose to wear to the party since they’re the latest in style and fashion. Danny wonders where the hell he needs to get the money to buy such an outfit, but Good Samaritan Sam offers to lend him some extra dough. She’s interrupted by Paulina who has a new CD, which, by the way, is so "krunk". I don’t know what "krunk" is or how the hell that slang was ever made, but it sounds stupid. The only Krunk I know is the purple Hulk parody from Dexter’s Laboratory. Danny excitably dashes to her, ignoring his two best friends again. They’re a wee bit annoyed right about now.
Back home at Fenton Works, Maddie and Jack test out their latest product which surprisingly isn’t designed for ghost hunting, but cooking. A device designed to cook foods ten times faster then normal. They just overlooked the process of the hot dogs coming to life and rapidly barking like dogs. Jazz, of course, makes another criticism on their insane life. Danny asks his parents for some moolah after, but the Fenton Folks announce that he needs to understand the value of money, so he can either get a job or sell something. Speaking of junk, Maddie tells Jack to put his broken Fenton Weasel and other crap (still covered in Ectoplasmic goo) in the shed, despite the fact that it hasn’t been cleaned in years, something she’s rather livid about. Jack, being the ol’ pack rat, refuses, saying all the crap there are of importance, even if he doesn’t recognize half the shit he’s made. So he and Danny dump all the boxes inside. Pondering, Danny takes his parent’s words to heart...
...And starts a garage sale to get rid of his father’s crap. Well, he’d be doing Maddie a favor at least. Jack would probably throw a gorilla-sized tantrum. Danny manages to sell a vacuum motor to his teacher, Lancer who plans to use it to shave (his back). After Sam sells off a toaster, she asks Danny if Jack allowed him to do this; he lies. Speaking of Jack, where the hell is he? A picnic? Ghost Hunting? Scuba Diving lessons? Danny counts his money and finds he’s still 20 bucks short. Ignoring Danny’s dilemma, Sam asks Danny if her offer to spend time with Tucker for a movie night at her place still stands. Danny is surprised; she’s never invited them to her crib before. See? I can make crappy slangs, too. She makes a lame excuse that it’s because they were busy ghost fighting, plus she feels it’s time they—UP! Interrupted by Dash who’s yelling for Danny. Dash asks if he has any computer stuff to use since he’s overloaded with so much homework given to him by Jazz. Danny offers the Portals XL and motherboard system for 20 bucks. If you buy it now, he’ll throw in this free upgrade disk. Crazy, you say? No, it's not crazy! All this for $19.99, no shipping and tax required! With the required money in hand, Danny heads straight for the mall, leaving Sam and Tucker to clean up the garage sale. Sam complains while Tucker leaves her to deal with the mess alone. Danny abandons them, Tucker abandons her, and Sam spends nearly her entire childhood hiding her home from her two best buddies. Friends indeed.
Later that night, Tucker rings the doorbell to Sam’s house (which is clearly bigger then the surrounding houses around it, so why hasn’t he noticed anything). She opens it while ordering a pizza at the same time. Her living room is so pink she stands out like a sore thumb. I wonder, are the Mansons really humble enough that they don’t mind living in a standard neighborhood instead of a lush, rich estate? Whatever the case is, Sam finishes her conversation with the pizza people and not one second sooner, Nate the pizza guy comes. Don’t get excited, he may be named, but he’s an unimportant non-playable character. He also apparently has the speed of Road Runner. Sam tips him before walking off with the pizza. Tucker doesn’t notice the bigger-then-normal manor, but his greed perfectly makes him capable of pointing out that her tip was a ten. Sam nervously lies, assuming the tip was of lesser value. I don’t know why she bothers to lie even during the last minute, the moment they’re in the basement that fib goes out the expensive window.
Tucker is treated to a living, breathing replica of a movie theater, complete with popcorn maker, movie posters, big red carpet, and comfortable lavishing red chairs that I’m sure would vibrate on command if you wanted it to. Okay, so the last aren’t in theaters, but it’s all good. Tucker is obviously shocked and impressed by at this. Sam reluctantly confesses she’s rich, being the heiress to her grandfather Izzy, an inventor who created the Deli-toothpick cellophane twirling machine. I still have no damn clue how to visualize that to this day. It sounds so ridiculously abstract and maybe it was meant to be, but it was popular enough to stuff vast amounts of green down the Mansons’ pockets. Sam, starting to regret showing off the secret she’s held from her friends for years states they can do something else if it bothers him, but of course Tucker is basking it in all it’s glory. Seriously, why is she showing all of this now? Just how long have they been friends?
At Lancer’s home, he starts his newly operated razor to shave his very, VERY hairy back. COVER YOUR EYES, MURIEL! DON’T LOOK AT IT! Ack! Robin Williams cries and weeps at its monstrosity! Lancer’s razor rapidly goes postal, glowing green and extending it's razors to Wolverine lengths. Despite its hostility, it does its job (marginally) and shaves Lancer’s back before leaping out the window. Danny, riding on a motorized scooter, hip clothes in hand (were they out of plastic bags?), happily rides home, ready to bask in the Popularityville until HOLYCRAPPOSSESEDRAZOR comes out of nowhere and knocks his helmet off his head. Wanting to have more fun with the boy, the razor wraps its cord around Danny’s body and tries to decapitate his head off. Danny possesses some mad dodging skills while his feet grabs onto the cord’s length. Razor’s had enough of this shit, so it goes to Phase Two: Operation Giant [Pyramid Head] Knife. Danny quickly transforms at this point and punches the deadly appliance. And you tell the shower head and hair dryer that he’s coming for them, too! Phase Three: Giant Scissors. No normal razors can do that! But it’s an impressive display of Technus’ mental control: his literally spread into every individual pieces his goo touched. Having the brain power to fuel every one of them is arguably cool. Any who, it charges at Danny who again dodges. Then he grabs it by the cord and spins it around, tossing it far, far away. After that one-man vs. one-bathroom electronic battle, a lone truck speeds towards Danny’s fresh clothes. Practicing his damsel-in-distress rescuing, Danny swoops in and saves the day...er...clothes. Miraculously, the truck somehow magically bypasses his scooter and helmet. *snorts* Danny turns human and eyes a piece of the glowing ectoplasmic cord. But since he’s still new to this whole hero thing, he leaves to deal with it after the party. He leaves the cord there. On the ground. Where some wandering human can come over and pick it up out of curiosity and get choked to death. Smart, kid, smart.
Back in the Manson manor, Tucker bombards Sam with questions on how far she can buy. Yachts, planes, and bowling alleys are all part of the deal, the latter installed inside the theater. Psst. Danny’s family builds a fully enhanced car, boats, blimps, and planes and they work, too, consarn it. Why is Sam’s richness such a huge deal? Logically, the Fentons had to have gotten their money somewhere, ENOUGH money, mind you, to build all the contraptions they have in their household AND maintain it on a daily basis. The Fentons theoretically would have to immense a large sum of money in their bank account. If anything, they’re equally as rich. Seeing all that doesn’t really make Sam’s status any special despite what the writers seem to imply. For that matter, "Livin’ Large" doesn’t work either. That said, Tucker asks why Sam doesn’t flash some of that "bling-bling" (note to Tucker, that word wasn‘t cool back in 2004 and it sure as hell isn't now) in school. But moral-centered Sam annoyingly responses that she refuses to use money to gain fake friendship. Then the two talk about Danny’s problems with his so-called "friends" before switching over to his garage sale where Sam snagged a sweet remote controller. That glows green. That no one notices. WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO BLIND? Couldn’t they have shown the remote glowing when they’re NOT looking? Is it that hard?!
In Dash’s home, he types the hell out of his computer, admiring the new program he got from Danny until his watch says "Party Time". It literally says "Party Time". His watch must have been from the future or a very expensive device from Japan. Oh, you silly Japanese. Dash leaves to get ready, giving time for his computer to shut down and replace the normal screen with Technus’ evil grin. SEE! At least Dash left before the computer pulled some evil shit.
In the Fenton kitchen, Jazz opens the fridge to get food, but closes when she spots the mutant hot dogs ("Great, leftovers."). Danny enters in style, donning his new look and asking Jazz if he’s "da bomb, fresh, and stoopid" while I roll my eyes over the "stoopidity" of those out of date slangs. Jazz said it best, "Oh, it’s stupid, I’ll give you that", while looking ridiculously taller then usual. At least the writer was nice enough to lampshade it. He asks what Jazz would be wearing to the party, but she isn’t going. He argues, saying the only reason he got in is because of her. She doesn’t care and disgustingly walks off when she hears Jack cry out, "CODE RED!" The big man immediately guns it, grabs Danny by the arms, and shouts that someone has stolen all his junk from his shed. Gorilla-sized tantrum. Called it. Well, that took him awhile to figure out. For the sake of logic, I can assume he was pre-occupied. A flustered Danny says he’ll help out once he’s good [and drunk] from the party. Still under his own emergency, Jack proclaims it a brilliant plan and protects himself by letting the mutant hot dogs cover his torso. SERPENTINE!
Danny makes his way to Dash’s house, rings the doorbell, tries to get all the nervousness out, and sees Dash wearing clothes exactly the same clothes as Danny’s. "After buying that computer stuff, I didn’t have enough money to buy the sweat suit, so I change the dress code to loser-chic." And by loser chic, Danny witness EVERY single person dressed as either Danny, Tucker, or Sam. It’s the closest anyone is going to get cosplaying Tucker; no one bothers in "Reality Trip". I know it’s a joke and I know Dash can be pretty damn spiteful, but is Danny, Tucker, and Sam the only losers in the entire school? That’s impossible. Next episode emphasizes this, too!
Seeing it’s time to fulfill his destiny...apparently, Technus, still inside Dash’s computer flows up and orders all other techno gizmos he’s ectoplasm inhabited to act like that glowing razor and march to where he is. Oh, shit, it’s the Danny Phantom equivalent of the Reunion. I don’t get why the hell other machines were dormant while Lancer’s razor completely tried to skewer him beforehand. Maybe because he activated it? Yeah, let’s go with that. I think the more confusing question is why the hell are all the possessed items everyday materials like laundry machines and toasters? The ectoplasmic goo spilled over Fenton gadgets and gizmo. Unless I’m missing something, there are no everyday appliances in the basement...baring the ghost-sucking vacuum. Not to mention Jack and Danny only carried two boxes of junk. There is no way all that could fit in two measly boxes. Did Sam carelessly stuff them in various parts of the shed when stuck cleaning up? Oh, why do I even bother?! Sam’s remote control is one among many to rebel when it screws up the movie she and Tucker were watching (some karate flick) by repeating the same scene over and over. Sam blames the action on Tucker, but when the remote starts flying and shooting Ecto Laser, all guesses are answered. After destroying the popcorn machine and soda machine, the remote phases away. Sam and Tucker may not care for Danny’s sudden rise in popularity, but he’s the only man for this job.
Danny tries in vain to interact with the popular snobs, but he gets nowhere—all of them ignore him. Depressed, he heads upstairs and eyes the crowd, realizing how lonely he is. None of them are his true friends. Buddy, if it helps, Kwan may understand a lot more then you think. His ghost sense lets loose when he walks by the hallway. Running into Dash’s room, he witnesses Technus pulling himself together by using all the possessed inanimate objects to create a giant mechanical body. Then he makes his big villain speech before frizzing out, Dash failed to upgrade his software yet. Danny once again inadvertently adds that idea to Technus’ head, resulting in the two racing for the disk. Danny, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut. Technus’ toaster sends out a beam that hits Danny square in the chest and into Dash’s closet, housing numerous membership football jackets and an array of cute pink and lavender stuffed teddy bears. Someone’s really in touch with his five-year-old side. Danny flies out in time to smack Technus before he could grab the disk. Technus makes more random big speeches before grabbing Danny and stuffing him inside his dry cleaner torso where Danny gets in a quick spin (and oh so Snuggly fresh). More violence and damage then you could shake a drumstick at; the disk eventually and accidentally lodges itself onto Technus’ mouth, advancing him. Frustrated, Danny phases the two of them out of the room just in time for Dash to come in to see the utter wreckage that he for some reason couldn't hear from just downstairs. How loud was that music? To prove Danny’s still his favorite, he immediately plants the blame on him, vowing that he’s "a dead man". Them’s fightin’ words!
Outside, Sam watches in horror at the wave of technology flying towards Dash’s house. Tucker joins, Fenton Thermos in hand. Sam makes more quips about Danny’s end of fun (Man, she really knows how to hold a grudge) before meeting Danny who greets them after a smack on the wall. Technus is now bigger then usual and shouting out dated crap ("WHO’S YOUR DADDY?!"). Danny tries tackling, punching, and whatevering he can to Technus, but his armor is far too strong. No amount of "GUYS, HELP!" gets Tucker and Sam to move an inch to aid their failing friend. Are you for real?! The world is at stake and you guys are too busy acting like a bunch of pricks?! Save it for later! Danny desperately confesses how stupid and shallow he was, vowing to never view popularity over friendship again (*snort*, not bloody likely). Satisfied, Sam and Tucker finally respond positively. Danny explains the system Technus is running, but Sam says that's a crappy system. Tucker knows what they’re talking about, so he whips out his technological skills to block out Technus. Danny insults Technus, but he retaliates by turning Danny into various people, including a sexy woman. He works it well. Danny is losing the battle, but it can’t be helped. Tucker’s PDA can’t break through his upgrade. Sam comes to the rescue as she phones for a device for Tucker to use to counter back. It’s immediately delivered by a woman in a scooter named Tracy with the same Road Runner speed as Nate. Danger or not, Tucker can’t help but flirt with her. After his reject, Tucker busies himself with his PDA while Sam distracts Technus by asking him who he is. Not one to ignore dramatic announcements, Technus utters a short, casual "Hello" (which for some odd reason, made me giggle like a school girl) before acting like the incessant braggart he is, telling Sam and the whole neighborhood who he is and what he does. It’s extended enough for Tucker to crack the security system code. That’s Danny’s cue to take his giant claw and stick it into an open space inside Technus, destroying the suit. Tucker then throws the thermos at Danny who promptly sucks up Technus. Adding to his cliché villain routine, Technus cries out a resounding "NOOO!" The suit crumbles to pieces and the three rejoice in victory.
At school the next day, Danny expositions to his friends and viewers that he managed to hull all of Jack’s crap while his old man was out. Jack is currently checking each device for government surveillance cameras. Panic, thy name is Dale Gribble, I mean, Jack. Fed up with the popular route (for now), Danny plans to return the stupid sweats and refund everybody’s money and [boy howdy], explain to everyone on why the hell they glowed green and flew out of their home. Just tell them they’ve been drinking too hard and suggest a lobotomy. He apologizes again for treating his friends like crap. Responsible Sam asks if he learned anything, but the scene ironically cuts to Dash (who, for some reason is still donning the Danny Fenton outfit) who opens his locker to see his entire teddy bear collections burst out. "One person’s trash is another person’s revenge". The three laugh in unison. Yes, even Sam, that hypocrite. I’m intrigued with the girl next to Dash; she looks like she came to school wearing nothing but a long T-shirt. Oooooh, I get it, she and Dash did some heavy sex in the bathroom. Dash, you sly dog.
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Article written revised in: April. 17, 2009
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