TITLE: the Million Dollar Ghost: "The" is meant to be lowercased.
LOGO: “It’s WORTH every Penny!”
EPISODE #: 19
SEASON: 1
AIRDATE: June 3, 2005
DIRECTOR: Butch Hartman, Ken Bruce, Gary Conrad
WRITERS: Sib Ventress
STORYBOARD: Butch Hartman, Wincat Alcala, Ray Angrum, Shawn Murray, Fred Reyes
ART DIRECTIONS: Bob Boyle
MUSIC: Guy Moon
APPEARANCE: Guys in White Operatives K and O, The Extreme Ghost Breakers, Scardy Cat and the Groovy Gangs, small puppy dog (1st appearance), Danny, Vlad, Jack, Tucker and Sam, Maddie and Jazz
GHOST APPEARANCE: “Behemoth” (1st appearance), Vulture Ghosts
FENTON GADGET APPEARANCE: Fenton Laptop, Fenton Weapons' Vault, Fenton Ghost Weasel
LESSON: They prefer to be called Ecto-Americans…TO THE EXTREME!!!!!111!!!11!!!
SUMMARY: Now here’s an interesting twist, the episode starts off with dark, ominous music as we see a typical life for everyone’s favorite walking sex-on-legs, Vlad Seximus. Ignoring the impossible sign that his manor is “60 miles away from Wisconsin” (how? I though he LIVES in Wisconsin), bypassing the inners of his lavishing manor, through the Ghost Portal located in his lab like we’re in some interactive roller coaster ride, and past the vaulted door where impossible things may happen that the world’s never seen before, it’s Dexter’s Laboratory--I mean Vlad Plasimus, satisfying his gaze at the literally named Skeleton key, concealed behind a glassed podium, complete with ridiculously comfortable cushion reminiscing of a museum display, except hopelessly floating. With the item’s use, it could “open any door, travel to any realm, free any prisoners” and the only thing standing in his way of obtaining the key of near infinite uses is a giant, hulking beast Vlad appropriately nicknames “Behemoth”.
Standing freakishly giant sized feet taller and wider then Vlad, Behemoth proceeds to smack the--in it’s eyes--defenseless ghost hybrid, opening his claws later to see not a squished man, but nothing. Vlad has escaped via teleportation (I wager) and with a devious grin on his face proves how much of a badass he is by taking on Behemoth’s chargin’ fiery something-or-another-blast, easily countering with a shield, then giving him a clear punch on the face. Getting out three more duplicates, Behemoth is clearly losing battle. So four against one isn’t fair, but Behemoth’s big enough for four--maybe five--so lay it on him, Plasmius! While Behemoth’s struggles with the duplicates, real Vlad dives in for the Skeleton Key until Behemoth’s tail smacks him back to his basement lab. *whimpers* I still think you’re badass, Vladdie. Apparently he thinks so, too when after he gains his duplicates back, Behemoth managing to squeeze his head through the portal for Round Two. That’s gonna have to wait as his portal alarm rings, indicating his Ecto-Filtrator needs to be changed. Seemingly aware of the danger, Behemoth leaves, causing Vlad to quickly grow intangible in the limited time he has before the portal blows up, destroying ¾ of his manor. He’s lucky he’s got money growing out of his ass as Vlad’s main concern is the key, not his manor (though how he managed to salvage his Packers crap is beyond me). Distressed over his destroyed portal and desperate for the Skeleton Key, Vlad gets the most brilliant, devious idea yet as he turns human and eyes a photo taken during an off-camera shot of “Bitter Reunions”, “I’ll need to find another working one…I guess I’ll just have to take Jack Fenton’s! *Evil laughter*” Patience is currently not a virtue for this man, he’s not even going to attempt to build another portal just yet.
Now that’s a nice title card, the green alone, while a key color in the DP world, gives this one a much more atmospheric look. Look bad the rest of the episode doesn’t support as much eye candy. A relaxed Danny gives thanks to his sister for driving him to school to avoid the hassle of taking the dreaded school bus (I can relate, kid, believe me, I can). His starting point of a potentially perfect day ends up drizzled by the ongoing of a ghost alarm drill, causing panicking older sister to inform Danny to hide. “Why”, he asks to which she nervously, but quickly covers up, “Ummm…that’s an excellent question.” Sam and Tucker runs on cue and informs the two on the recent addition of Ghost Drills. To give a proper demonstration, Lancer approaches donning a horribly made ghost mask. While it’s fully aware ghosts take on a variety of forms, the mask looks more demonic to me. Surely this wouldn’t fool even the simplest of simpleton, but that someone has failed to meet Jack who approaches Lancer with his Fenton Ghost Peeler, having received the memo (His hand is apparently gloveless, color goof-up, anyone?), ready to give Lancer a new hole through his head. Danny tries to dismantle the theory that Lancer is a walking ghost, “It’s an out-of-shape teacher in a mask!” Just to make sure, Jack goes full blast on the weaponry anyways, stripping Lancer down to his tank top, shoes, and boxers (*squints eyes* Who the hell is on that boxer---Shakespeare?). Grabbing a random painting of George Washington out of nowhere, a pissed Lancer declares, “Someone named Fenton is staying after school” since he can’t very well give one to Jack himself. He and Jazz both split, leaving Danny to take the blame.
“All I’m saying is, you might wanna think twice before barging in like that, you really got Danny in trouble.” Jazz advices her father later that night at the currently messy Fenton Labs, Maddie also present. Oh, and like you’re innocent, too, Jazzy-pants? Who made like Comic Book Guy’s pants and split the moment Lancer cried out “detention”, leaving Danny to take it all in. Hardly innocent there and certainly not in the right place to give that sort of advice! Jack ignores her wording, focusing all his anger on Danny’s lack of concern on the lab’s well being, including his ignorance to change the Ecto-Filtrator the past six months, now overfilling and alarming much like Vlad’s did prior. So umm…maybe YOU should--, oh, I don’t know, CHANGE IT. Danny makes his excuse by entering the lab and dumping his loaded backpack filled to the brim with textbooks and homework assignment Lancer dumped onto his lap. While Danny exhibits embarrassment and anger towards Jack, Maddie steps in to calmly defend him as best as she can, but it’s hard to get through to a stubborn 14-year-old, teenagers are some of the dumbest people alive and in some weird, cruel, ironic way, it’s the only way they’ll ever mature and grow. Like many, I speak from experience.
News blares on before anything else could occur. Someone must have been kind to Harriet Chin despite her recent “crackpot” news report about ghosts since her last appearance as she’s hired as a newscaster in Amity Park. Why not? If anyone’s going to believe her about ghosts, it’s not the Milwaukee journal, but Amity Park and their actual evidence of ghosts. She makes the report on Jack’s less-then-competent nature as a ghost hunter and because Amity Park is still under the whole, “Danny Phantom be ebil” phase, she notes of a mysterious benefactor whom has hired a variety of ghost hunters to capture Danny in order to receive a million dollars reward. Jack grows extremely livid and gets increasingly determined while the rest of the Fenton family merely smirks with that, “Ahh same ol’ Jack Fenton” look. Isn’t it kind of unnecessary for them to actually capture a ghost for a million bucks when they’re HIRED to do so? The “mysterious benefactor” could have just paid them to act like a bunch of morons, or since they were going that route, had some bullshit excuse it’s all a test to receive a million dollars. It’s not that farfetched of an idea, reality TV does it all the time.
Nasty Burger seems to be sponsoring all the Ghost Hunters’ arrival with Danny and friends witnessing the events. Sam gives off a worried expression, stating, “These are the best known ghost hunters in the world”. Danny corrects her as stating they’re “best known, but not the best--it‘s a virtual who‘s who of who can’t catch ghosts”. Indeed, we got a Scooby Doo parody, two pathetical sports obsessive waltzing from a flaming hoop motorbike arena, and the Men in Black, minus Will Smith and the talking pug, but plenty of cleaning detergents. Cue Jack Fenton as part of the ragtag team of incompetent ghost hunters as he drives with his wife on tow, ramming into the Ghost Breaker’s bikes in the progress. I can’t even drive yet (I’m about five years overdue on THAT development), but I’m pretty sure even I could render humanity from population droppage then Jack could in his entire life. With Danny’s worries at ease, Tucker drops in to yet another scheme to get money: Dress up as a ghost for his “Boo-Yea Tour”. Sam states it best after Jack soaks him with an Ectoplasmic Gun, “In retrospect, maybe dressing like a ghost in a parking lot full of ghost hunters wasn’t a great idea.” Upon discovering it was only Tucker, the rest of the ghost hunters laugh in amusement, leaving Danny to further soak in the embarrassment and this time not through a Fenton weapon.
“Dance, you big, dumb puppet, dance.” Vlad speaks to himself as he eyes Jack, Danny, and the rest of the posse through technologically enhanced binoculars from atop a rooftop, Vulture Ghosts perched around him, doing what they do best: questioning and complaining. Asking him why he has yet to tear down the portal while the Fentons are off, Vlad answers, stating it’ll take time to dismantle it. His plans have a double take, as he also wants to further prove Jack’s incompetence to Danny. He then gets the Vulture Ghosts to do their thang. Immediately Jack grabs his Fenton Fisher and sets to work while the rest of the ghost hunters sit back and watch. It isn’t their million-dollar ghost, so they might as well seek entertainment of Jack making an ass out of himself. Also, super soaker Ecto guns, I want one. Jack manages to tie one, though the Vulture Ghost just flies by with little ease, dragging Jack with him until the big guy smacks onto the Nasty Burger speaker. It’s bad enough the ghost hunters feels the need to laugh their asses off, but even worse when a fast food joint passes their own share of insults, too. Sam demands Danny transform, though he can’t with so many ghost hunters nearby--besides, no one’s in any serious threat, so--uup! There goes Sam and Tucker, kidnapped by the Vulture Ghosts. NOW it’s time for action. He goes ghost and flies towards his soon-to-be-and-literally-speaking -fallen-friends, bypassing the ghost hunters who’s ghost alarms all go off when Danny wheezes pass. Funny, that didn’t happen then the Vulture Ghosts flew by. Are they so stupid they only tallied it towards Danny? He gets close until Vlad throttles him by the neck and drags him to the rooftop for a private chat between the two. Oh, it’s private all right, if you get my drift.
Danny: Plasmius, what are YOU doing here?Vlad: Well, let’s see: your father looks like a fool, there’s a million dollars on your head--*pissed* What do you think I’m doing here?!
Danny: So YOU hired these idiots?
Vlad: Yes, every idiot except your father, he’s a free idiot. *smacks Danny with an Ecto pad*
Tucker and Sam cry out for his help, though Danny doesn’t do anything as he just watches in distress when the Vulture Ghosts dump the two into an…actual dump. He and Vlad then make with the battle, the former insulting his lonely and bitter status. Pssh, he’s just jealous cuz’ Vlad only has Maddie in his mind. Vlad then grabs Danny by the hand and electrocutes him, almost turning him human before stopping in time; he stills needs Fenton to stay Phantom after all. One delicious finger wagging from Plasmius after (so delicious), Vlad literally gets a close face to face with Danny as he explains his plans (basically keeping Phantom busy with the ghost hunter while he aims for the portal) while many “ZOMG, KISS HIM!” dialogues enter my dirty little mind. Vlad shoves Danny to the crowd of ghost hunters, all readying their weapons (skateboard turned Ecto crossbow is all sorts of awesome while Lint Roller Ecto gear is just plain hilarious). Tucker and Sam exit the dump to see their troubled friend caught right in the middle of the heat, the angry, ghost-obsessed kind. Luckily Danny scares Scardy Cat with a simple “boo”, causing the others to be distracted long enough to phase his way out. Jack almost gets a shot in, but Danny turns invisible as he flies off, leaving Jack with many an angry glare. Well, it’s a step up from pointed laughter…or would that be a step down?
Tucker and Sam suggest Vlad has something more up his sleeves then embarrassing his old college buddy later down at Fenton Labs. Danny, frustrated over Jack’s constant incompetence argues it as Vlad’s only reason. Oh, kid, you need to understand Vlad’s mind more; of course he has an ulterior motive behind his external. As he fidgets with the Ecto-Filtrator, a happy Jack enters to catch his son talking smack about him, immediately leaving after, upset his son views him that way, much to Danny’s guilt (and somewhere out there, Vlad’s amusement--like puppets on a string). To make up for it, the three hatch a plan for him to capture not just any ghost, but “Public Ghost Enemy Number One”. Turning into his phantom form (meant as a literal term as well as a pun), Danny phases over the kitchen table where Jack sulks, easily attempting to be an easy target, but Jack ignores him, too distressed to care, so Maddie swoops in and ends up sucking Danny inside the Fenton Ghost Weasel (The Fenton Thermos suckage is for another episode). Well, that certainly didn’t end up the way he wanted, but it got his wish, it cheered Jack up when Maddie basically gives all the credit to Jack, though he repays her with a kiss and a dive, one Danny finds repugnant like any children do whenever their parents do something remotely romantic. That vacuum is way too small for Danny that’s only shoved by the fact that he’s a ghost, yet he’s still crouching. What a weird device.
Tucker and Sam’s ghost tour takes off as they double-bike the rest of the ghost hunters on a carriage as part of Tucker’s grand ghost tour, the latter not at all pleased on exercising. I don’t see why you should be complaining, Manson, aren’t you actually physically fit to begin with? Meanwhile, Jack drives to a lone alley per instructions to claim his reward. Where did he get that instruction is never stated. Did the “mysterious benefactor” pass it along to the entire ghost hunters he hired? That’d be flawed, he never hired Jack. He’s a free idiot, remember? As much as Danny tries to convince him, it does nothing, Jack desperate to prove to his son he’s as useful as ham on rye bread. Instead he proves the opposite yet again when an Ectoplasmic cage…cages him. Cue “The Wisconsin Ghost” as Vlad announces his plans to steal the Fenton Portal now that he’s got both Danny and Jack trapped. “Live and learn or in your case, die and learn”. It makes little sense to me that he felt the need to trap the two when 1. Maddie is still running around free and far more competent and 2. Those ghost hunters proving to be an absolute waste if Vlad himself planned to capture both Jack and Danny (more stated in the review) instead of just distracting them or something.
Two of the Vulture Ghosts busies themselves with dismantling the portal. Just above is Jazz who enters a dark kitchen only for Maddie to pull her down, keeping her quiet what with ghosts running amuck. The Vulture Ghosts--I mean Vulture Ecto-Americans must have super hearing as they phase from below and give chase after the two broads. Maddie sends out some Fenton…smoke bomb or whatever they would call it and head for the Weapons’ Vault. “We have a weapon’s vault?” Oh, come on, you’ve lived in that house for (assumably) 16 years, how the hell can you not know? Maddie can’t enter however--Jack changed the password. The Vulture Ghosts takes the time to phase the two in, both of them stuck since Jack made a note to get his son to create the still non-existent handle on the inside of the vault. Must been a pretty damn powerful vault if the two didn’t even bother to USE a Fenton weapon to bust open a bloody hole out.
Danny cries for Jack to release him in order to enact some justice…and change the Ecto-Filtrator. Though Jack is confident his son’s already done that.
Danny: Did he clean the lab?Jack: No.
Danny: Does he clean his room?
Jack: No.
Danny: Uh…would he…uhh--I don’t know--forget to install a handle in the inside of a weapon’s vault…or something?
That cues Jack to realize his house is going to explode unless Danny does something. Freeing him, Jack declares him free if he rescues his family. Already free, Danny phases the ever-so-terrible negotiator out of the cage and flies him off. Tucker and Sam meanwhile manages to get the ghost hunters up a ridiculously tall hill on part of their tour, Danny bypassing them yet again, now with Jack in tow, the latter crying out for a “happy place”. The Ghost Breakers are the first to go, using super powered scooters, making time to bust out “XtremeEEEEEEEE MUVS!” while the Guys in White saw off the link between Tucker/Sam’s bike and the carriage they’re on. Speeding past the Ghost Breakers, one of the Operatives (O, I believe) sends some…glowing microchip…thing that sticks to Danny, shocking him, and causing a rather hurtful looking crash-landing. One crashed carriage and two Ghost Breakers collision into it, the latter declares it “awesome” (more like suicidal) and tosses an Ecto-coated hacky sack that Jack slides in to take the full blunt over Danny. He’s not enjoying the extra help Danny needs, but desperate times call for desperate measure. In an ultimate act of trust, Danny orders Jack to help the Fentons while he handle the ghost hunters. Handling being “boo”-ing Scardy Cat who collides towards the others. Danny then dumps ‘em all into the trash can like Tucker and Sam ended up in prior, then gets a small dog to scare the tiger further. A little too much, I say. Since he’s got some extra time to kill, he might as well handle the Plasmius part himself.
I find it funny Vlad’s just floating there letting his Vultures do all the work, yet he does absolutely NOTHING about the alarming Ecto-Filtrator. Surely he’s learned his lesson twice and get that fixed before the portal blows up before the Vultures finish in time. Even if he urges to hurry, Vlad should know better. Though it doesn’t matter now, he’s mind is occupied when Jack ties him with the Fenton Fisher. Naturally, Vlad is confident he can kick some blubbery ass, “I get to waste you in your own home? This is the greatest day of my life.” Danny enters in time to see Jack kick the sent Vulture Ghosts’ ass with his Jack o’ Nine Tails, causing them to…vanish? Vanish where? When the hell was that weapon capable of sending them away? Danny however is more impressed, though not Vlad, “Your family is in danger every time you pick up a butter knife!” Vlad gets first strike, but determined to save his family, Jack gets the Ghost Gauntlets and actually starts kicking Vlad’s ass. Not by accident, but purposely, as in not competent, as in the opposite of what Jack would do. Savor it, Jack fans; you won’t see a lot of it. Inadvertently cleaning up the lab while kicking Plasmius’ ass leaves Danny to go human and change the Ecto-Filtrator, though he has thirty seconds left. Jack hands him a new one in time, but doesn’t change it until he witnesses his old man spraying the old Ecto-Filtrators Ecto gooey-ness towards Vlad (much like in “Bitter Reunions”--is this episode suppose to be symbolic or what?) before ultimately sending him to the Ghost Zone with a swift punch. Anyone actually designed to keep track on how many different buttons it takes to open the portal? This episode involved a lever instead of button presses located NEXT to the portal in past episodes. Then again, this is the only episode where we even SEE the Ecto-Filtrator. *sigh* I get people forget, but is it that hard to remain consistent enough that I shouldn’t be pointing out these flaws? Danny, impressed quickly struggles to put in the new Ecto-Filtrator after the last five times his father told him to, causing father and son to struggle as the timer counts down till explosion…
…Fenton Works remains in one piece…until a giant explosion occurs…subverted by a demonstrative simulation in Jack’s laptop, detailing the potential of what could happen if the filtrator wasn’t changed in time. Jack must be pretty sadistic to enjoy watching the explosion on his laptop enough that he brings popcorns and soda with him like it’s an ongoing movie experience. Danny declares to remember his chore while Jack promises to understand the consequences of his actions. The former grows and develops to further ensure himself any sort of responsibilities, Jack, however, doesn’t and it’s further proven when neither he nor Danny remembers Maddie and Jazz is missing--still locked in the weapon’s vault.
Vlad meanwhile cries out in anguish over his defeat by Jack Fenton of all people. Luckily he is met with his old friend, the Skeleton Key that he lavishes like the sick, sexy bastard that he is. Then Behemoth comes for Round Three and swallows him. “Oh, butter biscuits!”
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Article written in: Sept. 24, 2007
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