TITLE: Teacher of the Year: Featuring the World's most WTF Online Game Ever
LOGO: “A Lesson in FEAR!”
EPISODE #: 12
SEASON: 1
AIRDATE: October 15, 2004
DIRECTOR: Butch Hartman, Wincat Alcala, Juli Hashiguchi
STORY: Steve Marmel
WRITERS: Sib Ventress
STORYBOARD: Ian Graham, Erik Wiese, Butch Hartman
ART DIRECTIONS: Bob Boyle
MUSIC: Guy Moon
APPEARANCE: Some “Doomed” online n00b kid and I didn't mean that as a pun regarding his situtation (1st), Main Trio, Lancer, Fenton Folks, Jazz
GHOST APPEARANCE: Technus
FENTON GADGET APPEARANCE: Fenton Helmet
LESSON: I don’t know which is more funnier: Lancer in drags or space goblins.
SUMMARY: A first person shooter view shows that it’s merely some blonde headed kid running and searching in a pseudo Matrix zone gone destructive as there’s ruined buildings everywhere in the middle of a techno colored computerized world. The kid spots a key hanging on a branch, but is blasted away by some muscled black armored purple-faced freak with a ponytail. Enter Tucker and Danny who are hiding from that giant man AKA Chaos, complaining how everyone but them and Chaos knows the online game they’re playing in and out. Chaos suddenly appears before them and blows the shit up on the two. Game Over, kiddies. Oh, and Tucker killed your gerbil in the 6th grade, but it was by complete accident. Forgive and forget?
Naturally, both boys are pissed off from having their asses kicked by Chaos again. Danny chucks the Fenton Helmet he was using in the direction of the Ghost Portal out of frustration. So, anyone mind telling me what the hell that helmet does? Were Jack and Maddie THAT lazy that they had to build a helmet to, like mind control all things electronic or something? Is it that hard to learn how to right click or find a file through a search engine? I’m not even CLOSE to computer savvy, but I don’t need a potentially computer controlling helmet to make me do what my hands are perfectly capable of doing myself. More ranting aside, the helmet strikes the button that activates the Ghost Portal. Out of the blue, Technus appears in his honor as the first villain to reoccur after eleven episodes of new antagonists. Okay, Vlad made a cameo in “Shades of Gray”, but that doesn’t really count. Technus declares his hopes for world domination again, then spots the “Doomed” video game, declaring it a much suitable place to conquer. Danny refuses and turns ghost (which doubles as hair fashion as his helmet hair disappears) and tries to beat the shit out of him. Hell, if all Technus wants to do is rule over an online game, then let him. Creators can make more video games and we won’t have to worry about a techno ghost taking over the REAL world. I love video games as much as the next gal (and guys), but seriously, unless you want some Gilbert Gottfrield-voice alike taking over the planet, I think the first option is quite obvious to pick. Alas, Danny seems to care too greatly for the welfares of gaming and gets micro chip’ed by Technus, but doing so, he accidentally zaps the computer dead and thus flies off to extract world conquest later. Danny figures he’d get him tomorrow, finding out it IS tomorrow as he has stayed up till 5:30AM. Oh, I seem to do that often, but I swear I may just be insomniac. Well, not stay online till 5:30, I just can’t fall asleep. School and Technus means nothing for him to worry about as he’s in his “What could go wrong phrase”. Oh, Danny, I’m so glad in latter episodes, you’ll (90% of the time) get out of that dumb phase.
Danny sleeps through a test in school, drooling all over his test paper, much to Lancer’s dismay. At this current point, I really think Lancer deserves that raise. Later that night, they go hunting for Technus while relating the entire thing to the “Doomed” video game, making a brief mention of Level 0, a glitch no-man’s land level. They doubly explain this all to Sam who’s rather annoyed by their current game savvy minds. She eventually spots bunches of techno gears heading to the Amity Park…park. There Technus fuses himself to the newfound machineries to become a carbon copy of Chaos. So Danny and Tucker decides to take what they learned from “Doomed” while telling Sam to just shut up and watch from afar, like how women did back in the days. Ouch. Goth girl, I suggest you start an enemies’ list now. Danny and Tucker equally kicks Technus’ ass as they get their asses kicked. God dang it, this is why people like Jack Thompson keep shitting us gamers over, because you folks keep copying game moves and using them in real life situations that could potentially harm the both of ya! Leave giant robot ghost dudes to the professionals, damn it! Danny eventually stops Technus by instinctively creating a small shield that ricochets his blast back to him, short circuiting his robot suit. “Cool, how’d I do that?” Danny, I seriously hope you mean how you manage to reflect any attack back because you KNOW how to create shields if “Bitter Reunions” is any indication. Technus finds out he’s got the style of the game, but not the substance, so he self-destructs himself and quietly flows into Danny’s Fenton Phones. So, with that stated, Danny and Tucker regain in victory by…
…Playing more “Doomed”. Hey, I don’t blame ‘em. You get a new game and unless you think its crap, you will be engrossed over it time and time until you beat that sucker. My recent addiction as of this writing: Okami. Any who, they tried using the same strategy they used on Technus on Chaos, but they still get pwned. Danny pulls another all-nighter. Oh, and Technus flies into Danny’s computer in secret. By school the next day, Danny fails his poetry test. Amazing that Tucker, too stayed up all night and he seems to have no problems with his test. Somebody’s studying around here. With a giant red “F” on his test, Lancer speaks with Danny alone and gives him three days to take a make up test since it counts as ¼ of his entire grade. Danny is less then thrilled.
At an internet café, Danny and Tucker play more “Doomed” until Sam comes in and puts in her lecture of the day towards Danny’s lack of studying, although she does say it with a hint of teasing instead of outright bitch-nag. Danny nods in approval, then makes a crack about Lancer who mysterious comes up from behind and scares the shit out of Danny. ZOMG LANCERISANINJA.
Meanwhile Technus, donning some freaky tentacle mech body that I swear I’ve seen in some other pop cultural reference assumes no one will know who the bloody hell he is in his current get up. Out comes Tucker who saves him from a giant troll…monster. What the shit is a troll monster doing in a pseudo Tron world? Did J.R.R.’s ghost mind-possess the creators in charge of making this game? Is this some sorta space goblin? And to make matters more ARGH inducing, Tucker can’t figure out that Technus is Technus despite the obvious facial figure, rectangular sunglasses, and Gilbert Gottfried voice. Good Lord, Tucker, go upgrade your glasses. Technus admires Tucker’s skill and asks him to teach him the ropes, all the while as he spouts out more outdated slangs. So Tucker introduces Technus to Level 2 where they basically cross a bridge while dodging some pissed off semi-trunk. I’m dead serious. Tucker throws some disk bomb or something, but doesn’t work, so Technus struts his stuff and phases the two of them to the other side. Amazed at a power Tucker (or anyone) does not have, Technus grows intrigued, his ghost powers working just as effective in here as Earth. I sense an evil deed be spinnin' in his head. In Level Three, we get the standard/mandatory Asian level posted in like every friggin' video game in known existence. The two then have to battle Shaolin Wushu warlords. If they’re suppose to be Shaolin Wushu warriors, why the hell do they look like samurais? While that’s going on, Lancer lectures Danny as he drives him home to his pissed off parents. Tucker then tells Technus the purpose of the game: find the seven keys to the apocalypse, then gain access to the world wide web, something Technus decides to do to rule the world by influencing it from the internet. Oh, and Tucker finds out he’s Technus now. And I just hit my head on my keyboards. Why the HELL would a video game give people access to the Internet? Don’t they already have it? THEY’RE PLAYING AN ONLINE GAME! YOU CAN’T PLAY IT WITHOUT A FECKIN’ INTERNET. He blasts Tucker, and then runs off.
“Lazy, unfocused, ill-prepared, lethargic, need I go on?” Damn, Lancer, you’re a really honest, if not a blunt guy. I guess you gotta respect that. Lancer suggests to the parents that he’d keep Danny after class till the test, but both him and Jazz cries out he’ll be busy, the former suspecting how she knows that. She just replies with a cheeky grin. The Fenton folks however agree to these terms and forbid Danny any electronic devices till he passes with flying colors. Danny’s cell phone rings, Tucker desperately calling him, but Jack grabs it, yells at it, and then smashes it. Hardcore dad. Is everyone like that around here or what? Or am I being redundant when it comes to the Fenton family?
Tucker keeps getting the shit kicked out of him as he desperately calls Sam asking why Danny hasn’t picked up. Despite Technus on his way to conquering the world, she’s surprisingly calm, almost like she wants the world taken over. I knew she was evil. EVIL! EEEEEEEEEEVIL! We also find out she’s Chaos. She brags about this to the boys at the school gym after school the next day, also showing off her basketball skills (which pretty much serves as a foreshadowing of “Micro Management”) at the same time. She continues to rag on the boys while Danny is moping about his schoolwork and Technus. Okay, Sam, they got the idea, stop feeding your ego. Lancer calls in Danny while his friends handle Technus afterwards.
Danny, again tired from all the work, gets up to stretch and has a chat with Lancer who’s busy writing to his butt ugly sister. DON’T LOOK AT IT, MURIEL! Basically looks like Lancer in drags, goatee included. He steps up to get some air, leaving Danny with his computer to which he uses to check up on Sam and Tucker. The kid must be seriously deprived of sleep if he hasn’t figured out there’s a copy of “Doomed” in Lancer’s computer. Not even a quip or a remark. He just types to see how his buddies are doing and they’re doing poorly as Technus certainly mastered this game in under a day. Ultimate gamer he is. Lancer catches the kid, is pissed off and offended, then storms off. Feeling that prang of guilt that Danny’s Angel side conscience is tugging him on; he turns off the computer, grabs the nearby poetry book and asks Lancer why “eye” and “symmetry” rhymes. He’s referring to the poem, “The Tyger” which you can find anywhere online for those curious to read it. With a content smile, Lancer sits and explains the reason why and it basically sets off a chain reaction of Danny paying attention to his schoolwork while the Teach happily ramble one. So Danny seriously takes in his study while Tucker and Sam get their asses handed to them more times then what is required in online gaming embarrassment. Technus absorbs some power cube and turns from mechanic tentacle man to a mechanic spider man. No web slinging here as he just heads for the next level. Danny meanwhile gets ready to take his test; remarking Technus has less then an hour before reaching the last level? How the hell do you know that, Danny? You figured out Technus’ attack pattern or are the entire content of the online game suppose to be timed? Huh? You tell me. Danny afterwards takes the test. Lancer afterwards grades the test. Danny gets a 91, passing, which fills the kid with joy. I swear I half expected him to kiss Lancer on the cheek, and then run around the school shouting, “I GOT A 91! I GOT A 91!” with nearby faculties and kids staring nearby, only stopping to realize, “I KISSED THE TEACHER! PTOO!” But nah, he just runs and screams off in happiness. Oh, and we also find out his “sister” is just him in drags used to ploy kids into studying harder. “Why don’t they ever realize that’s me in a dress?” I don’t know, people assume you two are fraternal twins?
Danny announces to his parents he’s “not an idiot” by showing off his test, then races down to help Tucker and Sam. They explain Technus already is on level 13 with five keys while Danny’s still stuck on the first level, worried he’ll never make it in time. Danny, don’t you have a saved file? Last I check you were on like Level 9. This video game must have some serious inconsistency, it’s any wonder there’s a giant glitch in the damn program. Tucker and Sam then makes note about Technus’ ghost powers, so Danny gets the idea and goes ghost inside his computer. He…possesses or becomes his online self or whatever and uses his powers to breeze through the levels. In those terms, it’s called cheating.
Technus managed to secure five keys into the lock, apparently they have the ability to grow from like 6 inches to about 3 feet. The last two keys are conveniently over two space goblins. Oh, come on, this is the last level; you couldn’t kill to put it some form of elaborate trap with a giant ass monster guarding it? Technus goes anyways while continously kicking people’s asses and making long-winded speech, Danny interrupting said speech like more heroes need to do when villains don’t shut up. They keep attacking Technus, reducing his powers until he flies off and returns with a giant ass green rock he’s riding on; crash coursing over to Danny and pals. Sam heads off to start off the cheat code she told Tucker while the boys hold him off. They get blasted off, a piranha plant catches and chews Danny while Tucker skillfully dodges Technus’ rays before being blasted off. Video gaming Mary Sue--I mean--Sam comes and pwns Technus by stepping on him, her having turned into a giant ass…Tiki…God when she threw a Tiki stone inside a Tiki statue mouth earlier. Space goblins, tiki Gods, giant ass semi-trunk of madness, Asian cultured confused warriors, this is either the coolest game built for the 12 year old mind or the most messiest, stupidest conception ever. Seriously. The creators must have some gull to want to create a world where they can successfully mesh all these crap together. For God's sake, the game has a Mega Mart! Oy, this is a lot to take in. Danny takes Technus and dumps him into Level 0 and Tucker returns. Yay.
With all seven keys in their possession, they almost beat the game until somebody zaps them all from behind. We find out its Lancer who wins the game, apparently again--so I assume he’s done this before. With his outfit looking more Tron then anything else, Lancer proceeds to regain in victory, and probably goes off to celebrate at the local Pizza Hut with fellow geeky teachers who secretly play this asinine game.
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Article written in: Somewhere in 2007
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