"You think I care? I LIKE IT THIS WAY!"
TITLE: Masters of All Time
LOGO: "It's time for Horror!"
EPISODE #: 36
SEASON: 2
AIRDATE: Mar. 24, 2006
DIRECTOR: Butch Hartman, Wincat Alcala, Kevin Petrilak
WRITERS: Marty Isenberg
STORYBOARD: Butch Hartman, Fred Reyes, James Yang
ART DIRECTIONS: George Goodchild
MUSIC: Guy Moon
APPEARANCE: Hundreds of college students from the 80’s (1st appearance—not that anyone cares), Danny, Jack and Maddie, Tucker and Sam, Jazz
GHOST APPEARANCE: Clockwork, various ghouls that ends AU Vlad's life
FENTON GADGET APPEARANCE: Porto-Portal (not actual Fenton gadget, but still made by their hands), Maddie Weasel, Maddie Portal, Maddie whatevers
LESSON: Life is a crapsack world, deal.
SUMMARY: The Nasty Burger, stuffing Tucker enough food to make him look pregnant. But to Danny, it’s a "safe haven, away from the worries of—"
"Danny, run!" Jazz bolts through the front doors. Is it a ghost? No. Vlad? Not yet. It’s...it’s...80’s Jack and Maddie! AHHHHHHHHHH! All the kids point and laugh while Jazz cowers behind a table. She isn’t the only one embarrassed. Danny is forced to listen to his parents’ backwards youth speak (excessive use of the word "like") after they give him his forgotten wallet (sounds minor, but it’s an important plot point), then Maddie gives him a massive bear hug ("If I pass out, I give you permission not to resuscitate me.") Okay, I like Maddie’s hairdo, it looks cute on her. To make matters worse, Mikey tapes the entire ordeal for internet purposes, causing Danny to scream (like a girl) and exit stage left. Wait? Did Danny leave through the back door? Is he allowed? Or are employees fully aware teenagers are walking time bombs? Sam and Tucker follow behind in concern, but Danny’s already wigging out.
Vlad: Which you’ll never will as long as your Jack Fenton’s son.
Oh, and your preference is any better? Count the half ghost part off and you’re still the father of a son who lives with his rich and famous father, doomed to be subjected to constant ridicule from paparazzi and sucked up by gold diggers. Yeah, your life’s a saint. Vlad does make a cool entrance, standing majestically on top of a pole light. ...Well, he makes it look cool...and sexy. Shut up. Go away. This is my summary. "Great, more weirdness from my parents’ college days", Danny sighs as he goes ghost. No fighting this time, Vlad’s Ecto-Acne has returned and he needs the ghost boy’s help. They immediately decline (or at least Sam does, speaking for the three, which makes the scene less striking—it's better with Danny calling it), but Vlad has prepared for such negativities and has another trick below his belt. No, not that kinda trick. When Danny’s a little older. He whips out a small canister that infects the same acnes on Tucker and Sam. Danny is almost next until Vlad grabs his legs, demands his help, and then faints. This is probably the most interaction Vlad ever had with those two; that’s an accomplishment! Not that I care.
Oh, okaaaaaaaaaaay. That is probably the grossest title card in the show. The artist really, really, really wanted to emphasis Ecto-Acne. Jack’s blistering oozes of ‘em everywhere. The episode itself doesn’t justify the lunch I’m going to puke from having seen five seconds of this. Otherwise, it’s a strangely beautiful and effective intro. ...P-Paradox?
Idiot boy tries grabbing Vlad’s jacket and yelling demands at the unconscious man, getting himself nearly killed by Jack and Maddie in the process. Danny flies off after Jazz [unintentionally] distracts them, returning with her now human brother, having "found" him. The Fenton Folks are more concerned on the current ailment that is crawling around the three victims. There’s only one place bold enough to attempt the cure: the Fenton Works-that-is-not-a-hospital! Why the fuck Danny would be embarrassed over this is beyond me. After numerous complaints of a desire to separate the weird from the sane, why do you want the former to mix in with the latter?! Bah, whatever, he changed his mind pretty damn quick when he sees his friends are faltering. Danny (and the rest of the family), donned in a hazardous suit is quick to perform scans on the near-fallen. While Sam and Tucker are kind of in a zombie-like trance, Vlad wakes up with a clear, but aching conscience. He makes a jab at Danny, and then gets bad news from Jack’s end; their condition is worsening. Neither can figure out the Ecto-impurities causing the breakout. Tucker and Sam take this news worse then Vlad who remains Mr. Calm, having gone through this before. Theory time: Vlad’s regular hospital trip managed to find a cure or at least something to hold it down for 20+ years of his first Ecto Acne, hence his lack of solutions to the cure, hence why he’s here, hence this plot, hence this summary. Jack and Maddie must be too busy monitoring the computers, they don’t seem to care that Danny is threatening Vlad. Dude, you don’t do that to sick people, you sick bastard! "I swear I get chills when you get so dramatic." That line is going to come back to haunt him when Danny's old enough to understand the art of seduction.
"They’re running out of time", Vlad blatantly states in a sinister manner. The last word triggers Danny’s thinking cap, but the results don’t play out the same. "No. It’s a horrible idea." Clockwork, with his back turned, refuses Danny’s request when he arrives in his home, begging to be sent back in time to create a world without Plasmius. "I’m the ghost of time, not the ghost of miracle cures." Damn straight, bitches.
Clockwork: Changing the past can have dire consequences, are you willing to take that risk?Danny: *desperately, of course* Please, Tucker and Sam are my best friends...*dejected* and I don’t have a choice.
Clockwork: You always have a choice, but since you insist in learning things the hard way...
He opens up a giant time portal and in Danny goes. Now comes one of several problems this episode has: Where is the time medallion? It’s been stated—clearly, unabashed, blatantly—that to exist in a time period not of your own, you need the freakin’ medallions. I don’t see him wearing one, now do I? DO I? I’m just gonna assume Clockwork is keeping Danny’s preserved self intact because he’s that badass of a mofo. And you know it. You’re damn lucky he’s a walking dues ex machina.
"Try not to destroy the past." Damn straight, bitches.
Still Phantom, Danny hides behind a giant plaque; all the while gagging at the 80's culture. A passerby comments his outfit as "totally awesome". Great, he fits in. Anyone raised in the 80’s will get a kick out of the many references. Me? I have to do a bit of research from my end, I was born during that time period and I’m not pop cultured enough to recognize beyond five or so shout outs. I didn’t find this until a friend pointed it out, but keen eyes and freeze frame will reveal Marty McFly. Incidentally, in a latter scene, there’s a clock tower that strikes 10:05. Back to the Future fans will be able to distinguish that instantly. Relieved he’ll blend in; Danny catches the only green poster on a nearby bulletin board detailing a ghost portal experiment in one of the lab room. That’s his cue.
Danny witnesses something every teenager probably fantasized then traumatized about: what their parents' life was like before they became guardians to soul-sucking children. Maddie is in the middle of calculations as Vlad sums up the courage to confess something, complete with romantic tunes—80’s romantic tunes. Oh, god, make it stop. Make it stop! She interrupts him and asks Jack to put in the Ecto-Purifier. Jack goofs up, grabbing diet soda without looking (he, too is looking through calculations) and pours its contents inside the engine. Then he proceeds to make a cheeky grin at his future wife; Maddie’s is more...amorous. Oooh, they gonna get some lovin’ tonight. Vlad gets all huffy. Awww. Now we get the familiar scene first displayed in "Bitter Reunions". Wait, if the calculations aren’t correct, then what’s the deal with the diet soda? If it’s gonna go bust regardless, why the hell do we need the diet soda? It’s like the writer wanted to add in an unnecessary plot element because he couldn’t think of a better solution to the Ecto-Acne cure. The only thing it solves is that Danny is the exception to the Ecto-Acne rule (the Fenton Portal isn't infected with diet soda). As if that wasn’t enough, it just ham-fists Jack’s accident-prone state; building a ghost portal is dangerous and risks are something the trio are probably aware of, but accidentally dumping soda just seems careless. At this point, I'd rather side with Vlad and blame Jack. Sheesh! The portal starts and goes haywire on target. Danny quickly flies and pushes Vlad out of the way; causing the Ecto to ricochet around until it nearly gets the three. Vlad dives in and pushes Maddie away (Jack goes a different direction) and she’s very, very impressed. How? The 80’s romance music is back.
Problem solved and averted, Danny is returned to his current time period. All is right in the world..........not. He finds his home lacks a certain something. No curtains? No, not quite. No Opt Center? That about covers it. Danny turns human and bolts to find the entire household in permanent disarray. Jack races towards the oncoming guest, he himself Ecto-Acned. Single, bitter, alone, and angry, Jack violently asks who Danny is, but try as he might, the boy can’t get Jack to wrap his head around the fact that he is his son. Besides, even if he had one, he wouldn’t name him "Daniel." That’s dumb. To add further confusion and chaos, Jack transforms into…Jack Plasmius. And problem number two rears its ugly head. JACK. PLASIMUS. LOOK at it. FEAR it. MOCK it. The animators couldn’t bother to whip up winter clothes for the main cast; they couldn’t bother to make a new outfit for half-ghost Jack. Unable to dewarp his father, Danny, too transforms.
The situation worsens; despite what he is, Jack still hates ghosts and hypocritically aims a trail of Ecto Rays toward his non-existent son. That’s what happens when you live alone for 20+ years; the hallucinations starts to get real. Very real. For the cliff notes version, consult your local crack. (Editor’s Note: Neo Yi does not promote, endorse, or suggest the use of drugs. All except PCP: Phantom coupling Plasmius). Jack slams Danny down to the basement, but escape isn’t a portal away—it was never built. He spots the cobwebbed Porto-portal and tries to squeeze his way into the Ghost Zone, but instead finds a newspaper article taped to the wall depicting "Wisconsin King" Vlad wedded to Maddie. “"I didn’t destroy the past, I destroyed the present!"
Jack phases down for round two, but lowers his guard when Danny cowers behind the clip, reopening old wounds. Danny convinces Jack to clarify for both him and the audience. Twenty years ago, the bouncing Ecto didn’t get Vlad, but Jack instead causing him to turn half ghost and cry in anguish, interrupting potential sex-on-the-floor time for Vlad and Maddie. He tried to do the superhero gig, but what Danny succeeds in, he fails miserably. He eventually settles in the home he currently resides (driving the previous owner out) and spends the rest of the time finding a cure for his half ghost curse, fearful that Maddie would not accept his other side. All the while it seems he’s kept the Ecto Acne. For twenty years? How deadly this thing is must be portioned to how this plot is played out. Filled with guilt, Danny produces his wallet (told ya it was important) and shows Jack a portrait of the Fenton Family, all the while confessing the hows and whys of what he did. Jack thinks he’s lying again and flings him out of the house (also, his Ecto Rays are a different color; get used to it, it stays that way for the rest of the episode). He lands on an "Amity Park: Life is Good" sign. Awwwww, that’s just cutting it below the belt. An insult to injury. Pouring salt in the wound. A rain on a bad day. You get the idea.
The moment Danny calls Maddie, "mom", the bamboozled couple treats the boy to a vast selection of cheese products to restore his strength. They ask for his parents, but he cautiously answers there "was an accident". The couple expresses concern and Maddie asks if there is anything they can do. Touched by her generosity, Vlad is two inches away from giving her a sloppy kiss when Danny gets between the two (Danny Fenton: Moment Killer) and asks for a Ghost Portal. Maddie proclaims it a silly thing to have, but the wily teen is quick to point out the Fenton Foamer. Vlad questions Maddie, but she nervously, but quickly covers the lie, affirming it as a carpet foamer. Vlad apologizes for the doubt and then kisses her (off-camera). Danny is allowed to stay for the night. Also, COWS SLEEP STANDING UP, NOT DOWN! I DON’T CARE IF IT’S DONE FOR THE SAKE OF FUNNY, THAT’S WHAT COW TIPPING IS FOR.
Danny scans the lab late that night, but finds nothing ghostly related. He phases further down to victory: Maddie’s secret lab, including a ghost portal. Everything around it is pink and the portal itself has a big heart painted on it. What the hell? This isn’t Maddie-like at all, even in an AU. This is...well, Paulina! Thankfully, the chickification doesn’t stop Maddie (now in her familiar blue jumpsuit) from doing what she does best: hunting and dissecting ghosts. She bags Danny into the Fenton Weasel—I mean Maddie weasel, then straps him to an operating table. With en Ecto-laser thing in hand, she plans to torture the poor kid until she gets some answers on why he’s snooping around. Scream as he like, Danny’s words are fallen on deaf ears: the entire lab is soundproof so that her husband won’t find out. Also, she has a very hot back. I’m questioning my sexuality right now. Danny responses with the "I’m your son" mark, but gets the same "liar" comment that Jack happily danced around to. Maddie explains that she hadn’t seen Jack in years, marrying and running off with Vlad to escape his wrath while under assumption that he hates her for the accident...according to Vlad anyways. Jack must’ve been following Danny all day; he wouldn’t have been able to find a secret lab unless it’s pointed right at him. And here’s problem #3. Jack transforms into his human counterpart...his 1980’s human counterpart. Animation error, passable—it’ll only last a couple of frames. Having it around for MINUTES?! Not passable. No one noticed this? NO. ONE. NOTICED. THIS?!
Jack shows Maddie the Fenton Family portrait. Convinced, she frees Danny and they get a Treasured Memories moment. "The one good thing about having scientist parents: alternate timeline – total valid excuse." Jack acknowledges Jazz’s presence in the pic while Maddie scans Clockwork for Danny. But he didn’t even mention him yet. Oh, whatever, let’s just get this goddamn headache over with. She opens the Ghost Portal to let Danny handle the mess he created ("In another universe, we have two kids to embarrass!"), but lo and behold, enter villain stage right, Fenton—err—Maddie Foamer (I assume it’s called) in hand, and his standard black suit on body; because fighting with that dorky polo shirt would make this serious scene laughable.
Vlad shoots Jack first, and then aims for moving target Danny, accidentally getting his wife in the process. He remains callous regardless of it. Just another evidence against Vlad/Maddie...and more for Vlad/Danny because he just strapped (okay, shot) Danny to the operating table. Ooh, kinky. He’s about to finish what Maddie originally started until Jack rescues his chip off the ol’ block. Vlad counters by using the Ecto-laser on him. Jack creates a shield, but the impact of the laser pushes him back to the Ghost Portal, causing it to explode. Not enough to destroy it, but enough to kill the guy. Maddie’s gloves are off; she is NOT happy. "You lying, despicable piece of cheese, I wasted the best years of my life with you!" Vlad’s response is to be callous again. Bad form. Maddie lifts the man up and tosses him into the Ghost Zone where nearby ghosts surround him and...well, I think we know what happens. The two men in her life—gone. After this, all she has left is a ghost lab, cheese, and suicide. Maddie frees Danny from the operation table, leaving him free to pursue Clockwork. God, I hope he didn’t see Vlad’s possible mutilated body on the way. *shudders*
"I will not help." Clockwork retorts. He warned Danny before, but it bears repeating, you wanna fix the problem, do it on your own goddamn time. Clockwork is kind enough to reset time back to normal, but Danny discovers the cure when he eyes the Porto-portal scene one last time. Also, the machine that runs the Porto-portal is not supposed to be on the table. Keep in mind this is just one out of several I pointed out in this episode, counting the big BLATANT one. Danny leaves with shocking revelation while ol’ Clockwork plays cheeky bastard. I think he just likes making Danny his universal chew toy.
The hazard sheets that covered Fenton Works is gone, but not Jack’s anguish who tries to revive a near comatose Vlad. My God, he really is a goner; he’s letting Jack pound him! Seeing she might not live to see her 15th birthday, Sam asks Jazz to deliver a message to Danny. He interrupts before it got any mushier and tells his ma to use diet soda for the cure. It works like a charm and all was right in the world. Vlad praises Danny, though apathetically and asks for a simple bypass on account of his current weakened state. Danny does one better and beats him the hell outta here.
Crisis averted, Jack and Maddie have a grand ol’ time at 80’s night at the Material Grill, pleased their son decided to join, also in 80’s digs. This is a favorite for the fangirls, so cover your ears when she screams. You’ll thank me. Jazz is still embarrassed, but Danny’s come to terms. He probably won’t the minute Mikey puts the entire tape on Pay-Per-View. Dude, the internet is a better option, nobody watches TV anymore.
To "Reality Trip"
Back to Episodes Page
Article written in: Mar. 8, 2009
Layout design by OKami_hu, 2009